My brittle tears soar
on the wings of vultures looking

for meat, fresh and raw on which
to alight and ravage

a whimpering shovel
a blubbering pick
digging a hole of sobs
six by six by six

why don’t you lie
down and take a nice
long rest
in the downy limbo

the demilitarized zone
the wet nirvana
of my sorrow

Max Mundan, Graveyard

© David Rutter 2014

Follow me on twitter @dmr226

(via maxmundan)

Q
Ohhh. Look at me. I'm Maxie boy and I like cock.
Anonymous
A

Really? That’s the best you got? You’re going to have to do much better than that, if you’re trying to insult me. First off, many of the coolest people on the planet, both male and female, like cock a lot, so that’s hardly an insult. It’s sort of like saying, “Oooh. Look at me. I’m Maxie boy and I like milk.”
Why don’t you try again when you graduate from elementary school?


My brittle tears soar
on the wings of vultures looking

for meat, fresh and raw on which
to alight and ravage

a whimpering shovel
a blubbering pick
digging a hole of sobs
six by six by six

why don’t you lie
down and take a nice
long rest
in the downy limbo

the demilitarized zone
the wet nirvana
of my sorrow

Max Mundan, Graveyard

© David Rutter 2014

Follow me on twitter @dmr226


Drinking to forget your eyes
filled to overflowing with understanding
and compassion and love and
need, yes need, need for me
like nothing and no one has ever
needed me
before
so I’m drinking
to forget

Drinking to forget your smile
exploding from the darkness
like the sunrise after a night
of dark and troubling dreams
a beacon of such pure, unfiltered joy
it caused my heart to
skip
so I’m drinking
to forget

Drinking to forget your smell
that held home and family
and forever like a cloud
floating, material, in the air
the essence of forever
that I prayed for but couldn’t
touch
so I’m drinking
to forget

Drinking to forget your name
that spilled with giggles from my lips
when I held you in my arms
and promised you I’d be there
forever and that nothing
no earthquake or avalanche
no hurricane or fire or flood
could ever take me
away

so I’m drinking
to forget

Drinking to forget your life
because it’s been torn from mine
like freedom, like water
and you’re lost to me
treasure buried, so deeply
and so goddamn far
away
so I’m drinking
to forget

drinking to forget
you
my baby, my love
I’ve got nothing left
to lose
so I’m drinking
to forget

Max Mundan, Drinking to Forget

© David Rutter 2014

Follow me on twitter @dmr226

(via maxmundan)

baby, be free
let the mascara roll
down your face with your gut
wrenching laughter and sobs

wipe off the rich crimson
you’ve smeared on your lips and kiss
whosoever you choose, baby
be free to

dress up
like a gypsy, to
dress up
like a pirate, to
dress up
like a nun, baby
be free

in a world filled up to the brim
with those so tethered and bound
they cannot bear the sight of
anyone free, baby
be free

set your course on your
own who you are
is nobody’s business but your
own, baby
be free

be a boy
be a girl
we don’t care
what you become
as long as you, baby
be free

Max Mundan, Baby, Be Free (via maxmundan)

Q
Do you know what happened to the apology peach?
A

I don’t, I’m afraid and really wish I did. I just noticed one day she was gone. Does anyone else know the answer to this question?


Q
I was always headstrong about never trying drugs, but one day I did. And I wasn't sad anymore. And now I can't stop taking them.
Anonymous
A

My story is very similar to yours and it is not my place, nor have I the right to judge. Just be safe and smart, please and should it ever become overwhelming, just remember that help is out there, as well as many people who have been there before.


I will love you
to the best of my
agility
and in return
you will give me
a place inside
to get warm

Come inside me
cum
inside me
believe in me
so that maybe I
can believe
in myself

Love is not lies
unless you want it
to be
Do you want it
to be?

I am putty
Silly Putty™
in your hands
press me
squeeze me
against the picture
of what you want
me to be
that is what
I will be
until you want me
to be something else

What I offer
is the only thing I have
to trade
myself
tit for tat
or something like that

I have learned how to
how to…
love
I have learned
how to…
survive
and I will do
whatever
it takes

Max Mundan, Survival Sex

© David Rutter 2014

Follow me on twitter @dmr226


Q
How did you deal with yoyr addiction? What made you want to get help? I am struggling so bad right now and it seems to only be getting worse no matter how hard I try to get away from it.
Anonymous
A

I have been exactly where you are now and I am here to tell you that no matter how hard it gets, there is hope. I am living proof of that.

My life was totally destroyed and I had lost everything. Job, family, place to live, self respect. I had needed to do all the dehumanizing things that addicts do in order to survive.

What made me want to get help was that I had no other choice. I weighed less than 100 pounds, was probably days away from getting arrested and going to prison and still I could not stop shooting speedballs every fifteen minutes. It was a surprise, even to myself, that I was still alive.

But I did get help and today I have a wonderful life. I own my house, travel the world and am married to my soul mate and the love of my live.

Please do me a favor and click this link for Narcotics Anonymous. This is how you start. It can help you find a meeting full of people just like you who understand exactly what you are going through and can help or you can use their resources to help you find a rehab where you can detox and start getting your life together.

If I can do it, so can you.

Please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing. I give a damn.


A maddeningly unfinished
sepia tone photograph
of your lovely face
haunts
the last twenty-one years
of my life
How many faces
in how many dreams
belonged to you?
How many tears
bearing your unique name
have fallen to the floor?
To lie in
useless puddles

Your absence has been
a chronic illness from which
I could not find relief
overwhelming
and debilitating at times
at others a dull discomfort
a scab to pick
until it starts to bleed. Bursting
into frenzied paroxysm
each time I’m engulfed
in the tidal wave
of you

I hope you perceive
no reproach
in the weight of my words
for you
are blameless here
My grievance
is only my own
There is so much more
I could have done
So many towers
could have been built
from these ashes

Yet, I shut myself up
I walled myself out
I cut out my crux
I choked off my core

I do not bemoan
one, single second
of your blessed life
I hadn’t the courage
to feel you completely
and that is
my one regret

Max Mundan, My One Regret

© David Rutter 2014

Follow me on twitter @dmr226